Overcoming Shame

So here it is, I am just going to come out and say it.  Debt.  I have a lot of debt.  Consumer debt. $5010.00 worth of it.  I know, I know.  I am ashamed.  Here is my lame story.  Four years ago my Grandmother died.  I spiraled into a deep dark depression.  Hardly left my room.  Maybe showered once a week.  Failed classes. Opened lines of credit and bought stuff.  Today, I could not tell you what I bought.  No idea.  Nothing to show for it.  Back then I didn’t care because I didn’t care about anything.  But now I sure do and I hate myself for it.  This past fall I paid off two credit cards and cut them up.  I am proud of myself for that.  Go me!  So this past week I made a new budget for myself and found out I could have all my consumer debt paid off in 6 months.  6 MONTHS!  I was so excited.  All of that excitement has now died.  My sweet father (meet him here) did my taxes for me.  I am so thankful to him for that.  Really.  My dad being willing to do my taxes for me saved me a heap of stress and anxiety.  Thanks dad!  I love you!  So here is the bad gross terrible awful:  I owe the government round about $2600.00.  DO WHAT??  I hate my life.  Not really but you know what I mean.  So much for my 6 month plan of paying off my debt.  My plan will just be delayed a few months.  And to think I had all these great plans for my tax return! Hahahahahaha!

Very VERY few people know I have any consumer debt at all.  I never talk about it because I am so ashamed.  Shame.  Shame sucks and is not from the Lord.  Feeling godly sorrow is but not shame.  Shame causes us to keep secrets and hide, hide even from ourselves.  When we are stuck in a state of shame we are frozen and unable to move forward and work on whatever we need to work on.  Here are some ideas:  If you are like me and have debt that is preventing you from moving on with your life…debt of any kind: consumer, emotional, spiritual…tell someone.  Let someone you trust in.  You do not have to announce it to the whole world (like I just did) but please tell someone that can help you move forward.  So you can begin to release some of your shame.  So you can stop hiding and start being who you want to be.  To whoever if anyone is reading this… please PLEASE please LEARN FROM ME.  You do not have to live through what I am.  LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES and know that I love you.  Talk to me.  I am safe.  Just do not live in your shame.

And do not even THINK about opening a credit card.

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