Tag Archives: Grief

Weeping Time

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I do not know why but sometimes I am shocked at how crazy I can be. Seriously-bat-s***-crazy.  I guess the  good thing is I know in the midst of my crazy I am being crazy.   And I don’t think  my “crazy” has anything  (or much) to do with being a woman or periods.  I know how to deal with those things.  Been a woman all my life, ya know.  This crazy comes from living this mortal life.  There is crazy that is born of my choices but then there is crazy that is born of others’.  Crazy that just happens as life happens.  Experiencing crazy makes me feel crazy. Does anyone know what I am talking about?

This past week I cried , on average, 3 times a day.  Too much.  Just too much.  But I didn’t know what else to do.  I cried when I was overcome with sorrow, anger and frustrations.  I cried when I felt hopeless and hopeful.  I cried when I witnessed beauty and felt the Holy Spirit.  Although I am a crier.  Never have I been like this.    Actually that is a lie. Haha .  But normally, normally I am not like this.

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On further thought, I do know what this crazy is.  This crazy is my friend, Grief.

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30 Seconds

Last week I was in a cycling class.  We were getting ready to start three 30 seconds of uphill sprints.  Right before we began the instructor yelled out “30 seconds is nothing!”  My very first thought was

30 Seconds is Everything!

30 Seconds.  30 Seconds of brave.  30 Seconds of courage, of being vulnerable.  30 Seconds of truth, of speaking up, of letting go.

I have been working on letting go and this is what I have learned:  Letting go, surrendering to God is not a one time deal.  It is a continuous choice we have to make over and over again.  I feel like I am having to make the choice of “letting go” every moment of every day.  And it is exhausting.

Do you know what else is exhausting? Grief.

Denial/isolation.  Anger.  Bargaining.  Depression. Acceptance.  And over and over again.  In any order.  There are moments of clarity and sweet peace.  But grief lives on and never dies.  Grief is my constant companion.  Grief goes with me every day.  And although she is tiring, she is not all bad.  She is as beautiful and healing as she is lonely and painful, my friend Grief.

30 Seconds.  If I can hold it together, or cry it out.  If I can pray on my knees or reach out to a friend.  Breathe deeply.  30 seconds .  I can be okay.

Something that has been helping me a lot lately is  the  lyrics to the song “Come , Come ye Saints”  by William Clayton.  Listen to song HERE.  When thinking of BRENNAN, this last verse has been very comforting.

And should we die before our journey’s through, Happy Day!  All is well!

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We then are free from toil and sorrow, too; With the just we shall dwell! But if our lives are spared again to see the saints their rest obtain, Oh, how we’ll make this chorus swell–All is well! All is well!

Please sure to visit her “give forward” page to help her young family HERE.

30 Seconds

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