Tag Archives: Lord Voldemort

A Do-Better

“I found old TV shows that my wife used to record.  My wife used to love them.  I don’t know why I wanted to see them.  I watched them for hours.  I went through them show by show, episode by episode.  And then finally, after staying up all night…I realized what it was that I was looking for.  Every Sunday when she watched the shows I was outside repairing my bicycle or just smoking.  And I would glance through the window every now and then just for a second and I would see her reflection on the TV screen.  Laughing.  Laughing at the same jokes over and over.  Each time as if she was hearing it for the very first time.  I wish I would have keep on looking back then.  ”  –The Lunchbox

IMG_2911I have carried this clipping from a magazine for years.  It speaks truth to me.

I wish I would have sat next to you when you were working on your computer instead of watching  a movie on the couch.  I would have scratched your back.  Just been close to you.  I wish I would have spoke up, asked you questions when you told me that story.  The one about your boots.    Looking back, I can see now that it was important to you.  I wish I would have hugged you tighter.   Looked into your eyes a little bit longer.  I have prayed so many times I would get the chance again.  With you.  A form of repentance.  A do-over.  A do-better.

I love you.

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Running

In 27 days I  will be running.

Running for healing.  My  very own healing.  I will be running for the healing of someone I love with a  big love.  I will be running for the healing of all our wounded (body and soul) service men and women and their caregivers.  I will be running for every human being on the planet who struggles with PTSD or BTI and their caregivers. For the healing of anyone who has ever felt the burdens of abuse or the loneliness and devastation of a broken heart.  I am running for the healing of those left in this mortal state while someone they love has moved on into the eternities.  I am running.  I am running for you.

I am running for myself.

If you would like to support my running and why I am running please DONATE HERE

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THANK YOU.

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Master, the Tempest is Raging

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I am sad.  For days now.  Just so very sad.  And so tired.  I could sleep for days.  I think I need to. I think it would help.  My emotions are in my throat at all times.  Most of the time they surface while driving in my car.  I weep as if someone has died.  You know that cry.  You know that sound.  Maybe you have made it yourself.  It is a cry that is different from the rest.  It is scary.  It is alarming.  It comes in waves.  It stays true to its course, this emotion.  But when it is over it gently rolls out to sea leaving… not happiness… not joy… but some kind of peace and always, always a measure of gratitude.  Because in the middle of my hidden sorrows I find Jesus.  During the storm there is nothing else to hang on to.  No one else there.

Elaine Marshall said, “secret healing is not a single event. It happens as a process of living. You cannot simply take off a day or start tomorrow like a new diet and returned healed.  IT HAPPENS QUIETLY WHILE YOU FACE THE PAIN. It happens over time as you live, work, study and give to others.”

As of now I cannot imagine a day when I am healed. What will that day look like? How will I feel? I feel like I have lived in this for so long now but I am ready to live without it.

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“Master, with anguish of spirit I bow in my grief today. The depths of my sad heart are troubled. Oh, waken and save, I pray!” -Master the Tempest is Raging, Mary Ann Baker

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Freedom from PTSD

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PTSD is a mental health condition triggered by a traumatic event. Symptoms include vivid flashbacks, depression, anger and severe anxiety. Studies of American veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan estimate that 1 in 5 suffer from PTSD.

In 2012 more U.S. soldiers took their own lives than were killed in combat.

Don’t you feel ill right now?  I sure do.

That is why this August,  I am participating in the Wounded Warrior Project® (WWP) 8K Run. I know it is not a big run but it is a personal one. WWP has a big, audacious goal: to foster the most successful, well-adjusted generation of wounded service members in our nation’s history. I’m challenging myself to help WWP reach this vision, and I need your help.

My goal is to raise at least $500 by race day to help honor and empower Wounded Warriors. Wounded Warrior Project® (WWP) offers 20 holistic programs to wounded service members and their caregivers completely free of charge and 100% of the funds raised through the 2014 WWP 8K Run Series go directly to Wounded Warrior Project to help fuel these programs.

Please join my effort and give what you can by donating through my page. I know money is tight and LOVE is big.  Any amount of money, however small and any amount of prayer will be greatly appreciated!

DONATE HERE

Thank you

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A Route for Love to Travel

“Corrie,” he began instead, “do you know what hurts so very much? It’s love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. “There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill the love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or, Corrie, we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel. “God loves Karel—even more than you do—and if you ask Him, He will give you His love for this man, a love nothing can prevent, nothing destroy. Whenever we cannot love in the old, human way, Corrie, God can give us the perfect way.”

I did not know, as I listened to Father’s footsteps winding back down the stairs, that he had given me more than the key to this hard moment. I did not know that he had put into my hands the secret that would open far darker rooms than this—places where there was not, on a human level, anything to love at all. I was still in kindergarten in these matters of love. My task just then was to give up my feeling for Karel without giving up the joy and wonder that had grown with it. And so, that very hour, lying there on my bed, I whispered the enormous prayer:

“Lord, I give to You the way I feel about Karel, my thoughts about our future—oh, You know! Everything! Give me Your way of seeing Karel instead. Help me to love him that way. That much.” And even as I said the words I fell asleep.

Boom, Corrie Ten; Elizabeth Sherrill; John Sherrill (2006-01-01). The Hiding Place (p. 61). Baker Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.

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“On the eve of his people’s horrifying destruction, Mormon fully realizes that there is no hope of his people turning back to God—yet still, he loves them “according to the love of God which was in me, with all my heart… nevertheless… without faith” (Mormon 3:12 and 5:2). And such is how God loves. In Enoch’s glimpse of God weeping, Enoch sees God love in naked vulnerability. It is love in the face of absolute loss. Love that bows to the agency of the Other, but does not break; rather, it draws. God the Father weeps out of love for his children and unfathomable pain at their suffering, and Christ the Son’s vulnerable, broken body lifted up on the cross has the power to “draw all men” unto himself —but not the guarantee ( 3 Nephi 27:14-15).”  Mormonism and the Dilemma of Tragedy

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My Everything

IMG_1154Dress: Anthro Last Summer/Shoes: Nine West/Glasses: Express/Boy: Best Friend

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Here I am wearing the dress over a swimsuit.  In the picture with me is my mission daughter.  Love her.  

So today I was thinking.  A lot.  I did a lot of thinking today.  Awhile back I watched this TED talk on why veterans (it just took me three times to spell ‘veteran’ correctly) miss war.   Very interesting and totally believable/understandable.  What it came down to was BROTHERHOOD.  While watching the video my emotions were sitting in my throat.  You know that choking feeling? There are a million reasons to cry and a million reasons not to.

My message to HWMNBN, I will be your brotherhood (family), I will love you.  I will have your back. I am not perfect but I am trustworthy.  I will do whatever it takes for you, as long as it is right and true.  I love you.  Let me be your brotherhood.  

So today I was thinking about  BROTHERHOOD and what my closet experiences with it that might relate in some small way to service men and women.  And I came up with nothing,  Nothing could ever compare.  But then I really thought.  Lately I have been going through some serious s***.  We all go through it.  And almost on a daily basis for months now I have AT LEAST one moment where I feel like I cannot go on.  Like there is no way out.  It is life or death. And in these moments there is one person who is right there with me.  Fighting for MY VERY LIFE.  And this person is Jesus the Christ.  HE is my BROTHERHOOD.   In those moments there seems to be only two outcomes: death or Christ.  My Brother literally is my Savior.  JESUS CHRIST is my brotherhood.

And maybe someday HWMNBN will let me be too.

But if there is never anyone else that will be ok because of  THIS.

Thank you Jesus for being my brotherhood.  My EVERYTHING.

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