Tag Archives: Struggle

Not One More Day

Last night I had a partial meltdown.  I expect the other half to make it’s way around sometime later in the week.  I emailed my therapist and told him I couldn’t live like this anymore more.  Not for more day can I live in my heartache. Can I live with the aftermath of others’ choices. Can I live with the stress and  tangle of high emotions that live inside of me.  That I cannot strive for healing and relief that doesn’t seem to come, that never shows it’s face.  Not another day.

But today IS another day.  I woke up and all is the same.  Everything inside of me and everything outside of me.   And I am tired.  Can you relate?

If there are times when you think, “I can’t handle my children, or my checkbook, or my illness, or the urge to eat brownies at midnight, or the lack of a husband, or the lack of a good husband, or a family who doesn’t appreciate me, one more day,” you’re not alone. The Savior’s divine empathy is perfect, so He knows how to help us. He rarely moves the mountains in front of us, but He always helps us climb them. Because of Him, you don’t have to confront grief or insecurity or an addiction alone. With His help, you can resist temptation. With His help, you can change, forgive those who’ve hurt you, and start over. With His help, you can become your true self. With His help, your capacity and energy can increase. With His help, you can be happy again. The Savior promised, “My grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.” (Sheri Dew)

With His  help I can do this one more day.  And the day after that.  And then the day after that.  Another and another .  And little by little (I am choosing to believe) that His grace is healing me.  His grace is strong .  His grace is making me able.  Because of Him I can face pain and feel peace.  Because of Him I can be happy.  I am choosing to believe.

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Making Peace

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A few nights ago I was standing outside the Twin Falls Temple.  I was traveling to Portland to see my sister and brother.  My parents and I spent the night in Twin Falls where I went for a run and ran into the temple.  As I stood there staring at the house of the Lord in the setting sun I said a prayer.  I prayed that I would feel peace with something I have been dealing with.  In my mind with peace would also come relief.

I know it has only been a few days but there has been  no peace.  There has been  distraction but not peace.  Tonight while on a drive a thought came to me:  Maybe I am not to focus on having peace with   “you know.”  Maybe I  need to make peace with the struggle.  Because it is a struggle and the struggle isn’t just going to go away or stop being a struggle.  Maybe I need to make peace that there is struggle and there is pain and that is okay.  I remember reading years ago that “it is okay that it isn’t okay and I will heal.”

And it is.  It is okay that I am not okay.  I will heal.

And one day relief will come.  Or maybe slowly fade into my life.  Because peace is a process.

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