twenty nine

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I turned 29 this past week.  I love birthdays and I love getting older.  No problem.  But over the past few years I have spent many nights weeping over how I feel I have not accomplished anything in my life.  I am now 29 and I have nothing to show for it.  I do not have a degree or career.  I do not have any savings just a lot of debt.  I do not have the love of a good man, no children.  I do not own anything of value.  I am not super smart or play an instrument well.  No hidden talent.

Today I jumped out of a plane.  Which turned out not to be a big deal.  Pretty normal feeling actually.  On the way home I was listening to that Tim McGraw song, Live Like You were Dying, and I realized I have done some of this stuff.  I have gone skydiving.  Hiked in the Rockies.  I pulled the shoot to let the cattle out into the ring.  I have gone off-roading a number of times.  Rock climbed.  I have four-wheeled in the backcountry of Wyoming.  I have gone on road trips by myself and with friends.  I have hiked a glacier in Alaska.  Seen shows on Broadway.  Performed on a number of stages.  I have done stand-up.  Sang the national anthem at college games.  Flown a plane.  Eaten horse and other gross stuff.  Lived in a tent for a total of a year.  Spent wonderful days with wonderful dogs.  Went on an 18 month missions trip.  Worked at a homeless shelter for 9 months.  . I have fallen head-over-heels in love.  I have loved someone with that pure unconditional kind of love too.  I have helped to raise some beautiful children.  Now none of these things are special or unique.  But remembering and reflecting makes me realize that I do indeed live a full life.  And to the world I still have not accomplished much.  And the truth is I will probably never have nothing to show.  But I think what really matters is how did I love?  Did I forgive?  How did I start and end each day?

One thought on “twenty nine

  1. Kelly Torrens says:

    While I have done some of what you have not, I have done NONE of what you have! The grass is always greener…. I have no words to console you for what you do not have, I stand amazed at all that you do. Love you lady!!!

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